Assignment 1 Submission 1: Formal Letter (Descriptive Reflection)
Dear
Professor Brad,
I am
writing to introduce myself as a year 1 civil engineering student taking your
communication class at the Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT). Two years
before attending SIT’s civil engineering degree programme, I graduated with a
diploma in music and audio technology (DMAT) from Singapore Polytechnic (SP).
During the
two years between my graduation from SP and enrolment in SIT, I worked as a
freelance audio-visual technician. During this period, I worked at many amazing
permanent and temporary structures and was intrigued by the construction
process and the considerations that needed to be made before the construction
of these structures. This interest was one of the reasons I decided to pursue a
degree in civil engineering.
While I was
never a strong communicator when growing up, I was able to quickly pick up
basic effective communication skills during my time working freelance. Working
as a freelancer meant that I had to learn how to network with people from
different backgrounds to effectively execute my tasks and grow my
connections within the industry. More often than not, the event organisers have
little knowledge of the technical aspects regarding audio and visual.
Therefore, it is crucial to be able to communicate technical information and
limitations using terms that are easy to understand, to have a smooth
event flow and allow everyone to work together harmoniously.
Although I
have been working on improving my communication skills, I still struggle
greatly with verbal communication. Apart from the typical fear of speaking to
strangers and initiating conversations, it is challenging for me to put my
thoughts into words especially in fast-paced conversational situations. When I
find myself in such scenarios, I realise that I start to speak without a
filter. I would speak the first thought that comes to mind which often sounds
rude and insensitive. One such situation has occurred before, during work, when asked to provide a means of estimating if sufficient space was accounted for in terms of artist movement during a concert, I subconsciously said, "If ____ can fit through the gap then there should not be an issue." The individual that I named was on the heavier side and only after having spoken did I realise how insensitive my comment was. I do not wish for such a situation to occur again.
Therefore, in this communication module, I hope to gain the confidence to speak comfortably
in an impromptu situation. I believe that this will help with my presentation
and interview skills, both of which are crucial skills in the workplace. I
would also want to use this opportunity to work on being a more proactive
communicator when socialising with friends and classmates. I believe that it is
important to step out of my comfort zone as a passive listener, to be more
proactive when starting and maintaining a conversation. This would allow me to
communicate better with my peers and have a deeper understanding of
conversational topics.
I look
forward to learning more about communication from your class.
Regards,
Jamie Chong
SIT Civil
Engineering
Group 5
Commented on Humaidi(Blogging group) and Jiang Seng.
Edited 24 January 5.45am.
Edited 28 January 1.37am.
Hello Jamie,
ReplyDeleteAbdul here and I would like to share some thoughts on your post.
I love the linker words to achieve a smooth flow on your sentences and paragraphs. It is not repetitive nor rigid. I thought it was nice that your post displayed the required information without you having to announce it like a header. For example, “I still struggle greatly with verbal communication” clearly depicts that you are touching on your weakness.
If I may, I would like to share some minor suggestions for your consideration. At paragraph 2, I felt that the word ‘need’ has to be in past tense in the sentence “considerations that need to be made” as you accounted for something in the past. In touching your weakness point, I felt that it could be better if you provided a more clear example or an instance, having understood that you shared generally about your struggle around people. Please do excuse me if I pointed out some incorrect details.
I must say that I enjoy reading your post and to understand how you shifted your field of education, it makes me feel more spirited to pursue this course.
Thank you Jamie!
Hi Abdul,
DeleteThanks for your comment!
"At paragraph 2, I felt that the word ‘need’ has to be in past tense in the sentence “considerations that need to be made” as you accounted for something in the past."
- Yes, that was a grammatical mistake that I made. Thanks for pointing it out.
"In touching your weakness point, I felt that it could be better if you provided a more clear example or an instance, having understood that you shared generally about your struggle around people."
- I have included an example on my weakness, I hope this helps the reader(yourself) to have a better understanding.
I appreciate your comment and feedback. Thank you :)
Dear Jamie,
ReplyDeleteThis is an exceptionally well-focused and finely detailed letter of intro. You address each of the touchpoints for the assignment, doing so with flair in illustration and fluency in expression. You do a very good job of connecting your background with your present endeavors. However, I especially appreciate how you reveal a certain vulnerability in the examples you give in terms of your communication weakness and the need to refine your skills. The anecdote from the concert is perfectly suited to show what you call your lack of a suffcient filter.
Honestly, I find this whole piece to be quite a well controlled reflection. For that reason I feel a bit shy even mentioning minor language issues:
1. capitalization, punctuation
-- a freelance Audio-Visual technician. > ?
-- I would speak the first thought that comes to mind which oftentimes sounds rude and insensitive.
> (added info in the subordinae clause)
I would speak the first thought that comes to mind, which often times sounds rude and insensitive.
-- when asked to provide a means of estimating if sufficient space was accounted for, for artist movement during a concert, I subconsciously
> (editing required for smoother exprssion)
when, while being asked to provide a means of estimating if sufficient space was accounted for in terms of artist movement during a concert, I subconsciously ....
There it is though: Done then. (Nothing earth shattering, eh?)
I look forward to reading more of your writing this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Dear Professor Brad,
DeleteThank you for your comment.
"a freelance Audio-Visual technician"
- Normally I see the term "AV" capitalised when used, therefore I decided to use Audio-Visual in my letter. However, after reading your comment, I decided that the capitalisation was unnecessary and have removed it.
"I would speak the first thought that comes to mind, which oftentimes sounds rude and insensitive."
- I used "oftentimes" as recommended by Grammarly, however, I've changed it to "often"
"when asked to provide a means of estimating if sufficient space was accounted for, for artist movement during a concert, I subconsciously"
- This was an addition based on the previous comment made by Abdul. As my letter was already over the recommended length of 300 words, I tried to minimise the number of words that I used in this additional part. This resulted in some sentence sounding clumsy and poorly structured. I have made the changes based on your feedback.
Once again, thank you for your comment and feedback.
Regards,
Jamie
You're welcome. Thank you for making the edits. This letter reads very well!
Delete